


It's Nothing...

by thethingthathasnoname



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-07 08:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3168419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thethingthathasnoname/pseuds/thethingthathasnoname
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin claims it's nothing, but Arthur can't help but worry when he notices something is wrong with Merlin's arm. Warning: referenced self harm, but nothing too dark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Hurry _up_ , Merlin!” Arthur exclaimed, as they headed towards his bedchambers after training.

Merlin was staggering along behind; weighed down by the enormous pile of armour he was carrying.

“Come on!” Arthur whined, despite the fact they were nearly there.

 _Impatient git,_ Merlin mentally imitated back at him.

“ _Mer_ lin!” Arthur demanded one last time, apparently deciding that words just weren’t doing it, and marched back to grab hold of Merlin’s arm, dragging him through the doorway into his chambers.

Pain exploded through Merlin’s body. Excruciating, burning pain; sparking in his arm where Arthur was gripping, and raging throughout every nerve, every fibre, setting his skin on fire.

Instinctively, he gasped, wincing, and whipped his arm back. The armour clattered to the floor.

“Merlin?” Arthur asked, confused.

Merlin blushed bright red, and, hurriedly, bent down to retrieve the fallen chainmail, attempting to hide that particular fact.

“What’s wrong?” Arthur persisted.

“Nothing.” Merlin protested, still scuttling around on the floor.

“Nothing?!” Arthur barked his arrogant laugh. “How stupid do you think I am?!”

Merlin tilted his head slightly in consideration, but chose, wisely, not to answer.

“Come on, Merlin. What is it?” Arthur continued when Merlin said nothing.

“Honestly, it’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Merlin insisted, eventually having gathered up all the armour and rising to his feet. “Just, leave it.”

Arthur marched forwards, brushing carelessly aside the armour that Merlin had just so arduously collected. Merlin sighed.

“You forget that I am the one who gives the orders around here.” Arthur put on his most pompous, controlling, demanding princely tone. “Show me your arm.”

“No.” Merlin refused, hurriedly hiding it behind him and scurrying backwards.

“Show it to me.” Arthur repeated, voice low, following him.

“No. Why should I? It doesn’t matter.” Merlin quickened his pace.

“Show it to me! Now!” Arthur ordered, bringing himself up to full height, still in pursuit.

“Or what?” Merlin raised his eyebrows disdainfully, although scooting round a table so it was safely in between them.

“You forget, between the two of us, who has had over ten years of training...” Arthur challenged, facing him square on over the table.

“Oh, right. Yeh.” Merlin nodded, hastily stepping away, eyes searching for an escape.

“One last chance; just show it to me and nobody has to get hurt.” Arthur tested, darting side to side, teasing Merlin, only slightly threateningly.

“Seriously, Arthur. It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing.” Merlin insisted, mirroring his movements.

“If it ‘doesn’t matter’, if it’s ‘nothing’, why won’t you just show it to me?” Arthur pointed out, scooting to one end of the table and watching as Merlin copied.

They slowly began to circle each other around the table.

“Just… Just… Cos!” Merlin stumbled.

“Ah hah! So it is something!” Arthur announced triumphantly. Their circling sped up.

“No!” Merlin cried, practically running now.

“Then why won’t you show it to me?” Arthur yelled, matching his pace.

“Because!” Merlin retorted, changing route and dashing away from the table, sprinting, instead, across the room. “I don’t have to share everything with you, you know… you don’t own me! Why do you even care so much? I told you it doesn’t matter!” he shouted as he ran. For once in his life, he actually thanked God that Arthur’s rooms were so big – usually he was cursing the size while he had to clean every inch of them.

“Beause!” Arthur imitated, mockingly.

“Oh, shut up!” Merlin sneered back, glancing over his shoulder to stick his tongue out.

Big mistake.

When he turned back, he realised he was cornered, trapped. Spinning back around, he found Arthur still prowling speedily towards him, arrogantly victorious. Attempting a brave escape, he started racing for the door, but, of course, Arthur intercepted him, and shoved him against the wall.

Merlin lashed out, kicking and flailing, very close to biting. Arthur just sighed.

“You know you can’t win, Merlin. You know I’m stronger than you, and taller than you, and better trained than you.”

But Merlin refused to give in. Still resisting, he managed to tuck his arm behind his body.

“Never!”

“Merlin…” Arthur drawled patronisingly.

Merlin grunted in reply, putting all his efforts into evading Arthur… which unfortunately didn’t seem to help, because within moments Arthur had pinned his limbs to the wall.

He smiled condescendingly. “Good boy. Now if you wouldn’t mind just showing me your arm. Who’s a good boy?”

“I’m not a dog.” Merlin struggled.

“Aren’t you?” Arthur blinked, fake surprised. He tugged, harshly, at Merlin’s arm, pulling it out from its hiding place.

Merlin winced.

“You see, if you had just done what I’d asked, none of this would have happened.” Arthur tutted.

“Shut up.” Merlin growled. “Get off me!”

He was trying his very best to yank it back, to get it away, but either he wasn’t very strong or Arthur was too strong – or both – because it had no effect, and Arthur was able to easily tug back the sleeve…

Stillness fell upon the pair.

Merlin’s face blushed in embarrassment.

Arthur stared.

No one moved.

Deep, red lines lacerated Merlin’s arm, forming a bleeding lattice of fresh scars.

“Merlin…” Arthur gasped.

And that slight noise seemed to bring Merlin back to his senses.

Jerking down his sleeve, he brushed past Arthur, who had gone slack with shock, and headed to the door.

“If that will be all, sire…” he began.

“Who did this to you?” Arthur’s voice was cold and hard. The eyes he fixed on Merlin now were blazing with an icy fire. Angry determination emanated from him, fuelling his every thought.

“W-What?” Merlin stuttered.

“Who. Did this. To you?” Arthur repeated, bleak rage grating on every word. He stepped forwards.

“No one!” Merlin protested.

“No one?” Arthur choked a shattering laugh.

Merlin nodded frantically.

“No one?!” Arthur bellowed suddenly, the frozen layer breaking to release the raw, burning fury beneath. “Because I swear to God, Merlin… whoever this was… I will kill them! You just say the name, and I’ll rip them into a thousand tiny pieces and feed them to the beasts. I will throw them into the dungeons to starve and rot, and watch as their own body digests itself and know exactly what they did wrong. I will… I’ll… kill them! Just… say the name! Tell me who!”

Merlin blinked, eyes wide with the passion Arthur held in these words.

“Who! Say it!” Arthur roared again, bringing Merlin back to the truth.

“I told you, nobody did this to me.” Merlin reinforced.

“What happened then?” Arthur questioned, forcefully sceptical.

“It was an accident!” Merlin attempted.

“What? You accidentally fell onto a bed of blades? A table of knives?” Arthur spat sarcastically.

“No! Just a normal accident. Errand for Gaius.” Merlin mumbled vaguely.

“Hah.” Arthur scoffed. “You always say that. You’re always so unclear.”

“There’s not much to say…” Merlin tried.

“Of course there is. It must be something pretty big, considering how many cuts there are there.” Arthur pointed out.

“I…” Merlin stuttered. “I fell in a bush… Er… My arm got stuck in a thorn bush.”

Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand, carefully although without warning, peeling back the sleeve again. Merlin considered struggling, but decided it wasn’t worth it.

But then, oh so gently, Arthur’s fingers began to delicately stroke the ragged marks, tracing their pattern, almost affectionately. Merlin fell into a slight trance at his touch; it was calming and comforting, while oddly… electrifying?

Just as Merlin began to think he had possibly gotten away with it, Arthur started to slowly shake his head.

“You’re lying.” He stated. At least he had calmed down.

“Why do you say that?” Merlin fought to keep his tone level while, internally, he groaned; the bush story had been good he thought.

“Too straight.” Arthur commented. “The cuts. They’re too straight, too precise, too structured. Plus, they’re only on one side of your arm. If your arm had got ‘stuck in a bush’ then surely it would be covered in scratches, not just on one side. Also, these are too deep for a bush, much too deep….” Arthur’s eyes met Merlin’s, and he beseeched into them desperately. “Why are you lying to me, Merlin?”

Merlin opened and closed his mouth, unsure what to say. He did this a few times. He realised he probably resembled something of a goldfish right now, but, he couldn’t seem to stop himself. What did he say? If he acknowledged the fact that he was lying, he would have to explain why, which would be near impossible to do without saying what… happened… instead. And if he did manage to navigate that, Arthur would still want to know and would probably manage to get it out of him. But if he kept denying the lie… Arthur knew he was lying, it was impossible to hold your ground against Arthur. He sighed. He’d left it too long to deny now anyway.

“I can’t tell you, Arthur.” Merlin sighed eventually.

“Why not?” Arthur demanded.

Merlin almost smiled; poor Arthur, the treasured Prince of Camelot, the legendary Once and Future King, so used to getting his every fleeting fancy, finally had found something that he couldn’t receive simply by summoning or fighting.

“I just can’t, Arthur.” Merlin

“Why are you defending whoever did this to you?”

“I… I’m not!” Merlin struggled.

“Was it someone I know? Was it one of the knights? Was it Gaius? Gwen?!” Arthur’s voice heightened as his suggestions grew wilder. His eyes were bulging, desperately in need.

“Arthur, you’re getting ridiculous. Of course it wasn’t anyone like that. Calm down.” Merlin attempted.

This was apparently the wrong thing to say.

“Calm down?!” Arthur thundered. “CALM DOWN?! You’re standing here with your wrist sliced open and you’re telling me to calm down?! Are you insane?! Have you even had it properly looked to? Have you even asked anyone to tend it for you? It doesn’t look tended to? Are you even stupider than I previously thought, Merlin?!”

“I’m taking care of it…” Merlin muttered.

“Well, you’ve done an awful job, Merlin. You need to get this properly looked at. Why haven’t you shown it to Gaius? Why are you keeping it a secret? Why are you protecting whoever did this to you? They deserve to be locked up, executed! MERLIN! Why?! What?! I just don’t get you, Merlin, you don’t make any sense! And, God, you’re so stupid! Why didn’t you tell me? Who did this to you?! Urgh, forget it, you little stubborn mule! I’m taking you to Gaius!”

“No…” Merlin protested. “Don’t, please. I don’t want Gaius to know!”

“Why not?! Why the hell not?! Why are you protecting them?! Why are you keeping this a secret?! Is it really so hard just to tell me?!”

“Yes.” Merlin confirmed, surprising Arthur.

“I won’t tell anyone! Merlin, do you really have that low an opinion of me?! Christ, Merlin! Why are you so difficult? I mean, you’re always _so_ difficult! Why can’t you just be normal, huh? Why can’t you just do everything that I tell you to like everyone else? Why are you so stupid, and then so brave, but so stupid? Why are you not telling me this? Why on Earth do you have to keep this a secret? Why haven’t you got it tended? Or at least tended it properly? Why are you so stupid, Merlin?!” Arthur’s rant raged on and on, the same things over and over again. About how Merlin was so stupid, and who was it, and why wasn’t he saying anything. And “God’s sakes, Merlin, you’re just so stupid!”

Inside, Merlin’s blood began to boil. Arthur had no right to talk to him like this. He had no right to know all this stuff about Merlin’s private life. He had no right whatsoever to call him stupid again and again after everything Merlin had done for him! He had no idea! He literally had no idea! Merlin’s anger formed a red cloud that seized his brain. Every thought was fury. He wasn’t thinking properly. He just knew that if Arthur told him he was stupid one more time…

“Merlin… I mean… Merlin… You’re just… so stupid!”

That’s it. That is literally it. Merlin had had enough. The red mist had taken over. He knew he shouldn’t. He just couldn’t control it! He’d had enough! This was it!

“Myself.” He stated.

Arthur paused in his onslaught of words, eyes wide and staring.

“What?” he blinked.

“I said myself.” Merlin repeated, keeping his tone empty. That was the way he showed anger best.

“Yourself what?” Arthur asked warily, although he already had an idea.

“I did this to myself.” Merlin clarified, bringing up his arm and glaring it right in Arthur’s face.

Arthur’s heart dropped.

“W-What?” he stuttered, mouth slack and falling open.

Merlin fixed him with this terrifyingly powerful, steady gaze. “I took a blade and I sliced my skin open again and again and again and again.”

Arthur’s head felt light and spinning. What was happening? What? What was going on? Who? What? He stepped back and leant against the table. “I don’t understand.”

“Every night, for the past… while, I have taken a knife, and cut into my flesh.” Merlin spoke again.

“Every night?!... and… and… wouldn’t that hurt?” Arthur choked.

Merlin smiled sadly. For a Prince, this boy was awfully naïve. “That’s sort of the point.”

Arthur spluttered, his mouth fumbling with sounds. Eventually, he managed to form something that sounded roughly like “Why?”

Merlin shrugged. “Number of reasons, really.” Despite his anger, which was fading slightly now and he was starting to regret telling, he didn’t want to get into this conversation. Somehow, he felt that Arthur was going to push for it anyway.

“Then tell me them. I swear I will do whatever it takes to get rid of them.” Arthur persisted as Merlin had predicted.

Merlin sighed. Well, that was sweet, but… “You’re one of them. A rather major one, in fact.”

“Me?!” Arthur exclaimed, rage bursting within him. “How dare you?! How am I reason for this?!”

Merlin raised an eyebrow.

Arthur stopped speaking and took a moment. He opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again. “I… I’m… I’m sorry… Merlin.” He managed.

Their eyes met. And suddenly, the air around them seemed far too… heavy. It was pressing in on them, forcing every movement to be unbearable. They were stuck, just gazing into the other’s eyes, unable to move, unable to breathe. But, neither of them wanted to.

But then Merlin coughed and the moment was broken.

“I should really… er… get going. And go and er… run an errand… for Gaius.” He stumbled.

“No!” Arthur protested instantly. Then, almost flushing, added “Er, you really need to get that tended to.”

Merlin shrugged. “It’s fine. Plus… I don’t want to tell Gaius. And it will probably happen again soon so what’s the point?”

Arthur’s eyes widened. “But… No… Er… When… Er… When was the last time you…?” he trailed off.

“Last night.” Merlin at least had the grace to look away.

“Last night?! But… No.” Arthur was pretty sure this was what heartbreak felt like. Like every part of your body was just so heavy, but so fragile, and drifting apart from each other, but sucking in on you at the same time. “Don’t… I mean, er… please stop?”

“I would if I could, Arthur.” Merlin sighed.

“But… I can’t… I mean… you’ve got to. I can’t… you can’t… you just can’t.” Arthur attempted. It was almost endearing to see the arrogant prince looking so lost, and almost scared.

Merlin just shrugged sadly.

“At least let me tend it for you. I know that I’m not the best at that kind of thing, but… Let me try and help.” Arthur looked at his feet, ashamed. Merlin knew that he felt bad for ‘being one of the reasons’ and almost felt bad for telling him that he was.

“Ok.” Merlin conceded, and watched as Arthur smiled slightly, then fumbled over to the cupboard where the bandages were.

“Sit.” He instructed and Merlin followed his orders. Nothing had really changed there then.

Slowly, Arthur put out his hand, and Merlin obediently rested his arm in his grip. Then, oh so very gently, Arthur peeled back the fabric of Merlin’s sleeve. He was never going to be able to get used to this; the skin looking so harsh and red, puckered along the violent strokes, waiting to be opened up again in another attack of pain. His breath caught, but he was careful to cover his reaction. He didn’t want to offend Merlin.

Softly, he dabbled the cloth in some nearby water before pressing it lightly to the wounds. He saw Merlin wince, and apologized, careful to be even gentler. As he worked, he allowed his fingers to caress the punctured skin, soothing it. He pretended it was an accident, but really, he liked the way Merlin’s eyes melted every time he did. He wanted to do anything to make him feel better. And would do anything to stop it from ever happening again.

Urgh, what was happening to him? One upset from his servant and he had gone all soft and emotional and caring and urgh. This was pathetic, the way that he was acting. But… this wasn’t just his servant. This was Merlin.

Carefully, he bound it up winding the bandages round and round, protecting it, and protecting Merlin from it.

However, as he was wrapping it, Merlin’s arm started twitching from the discomfort. On instinct, Arthur placed his hand on Merlin’s arm, or more specifically, his hand.

They both looked up simultaneously, eyes meeting. Arthur blushed and made to remove his hand but Merlin gasped “No.” before thinking. Then he too blushed. “I mean, well, it stops my arm from twitching. And it stops the pain. So, er, keep it there.”

“Right.” Arthur nodded, replacing his hand.

He continued, but before long, he reached the area of most concentration. He let his eyes trace over each of the fresh scars, following them, begging them to disappear under his gaze. He wished he could calm the raw sting that they held, or undo the damage they had ever done. Instead, he hastened to cover them up. He tugged the bandage over them, perhaps a bit too hurriedly, forgetting to be quite so very gentle as he needed to be, and felt Merlin twitch again. He pulled them under and over again, and this time, felt Merlin’s hand contract over his own. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Merlin flushing, and just knew that he was about to relax his hand again.

But, for whatever reason, he didn’t want that to happen.

He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he didn’t want Merlin to let go. Maybe it was just the way that his hand felt gripping onto his own; so comfortable and comforting, and small. Maybe it was more the way that his skin felt like it was alight with the contact, or the way that his heart seemed to have leapt at the notion. Maybe it was the way that he felt like his entire life and just come together with that simple, single touch. Or maybe it just felt… right. And, sort of… nice.

Whatever reason it was, he didn’t want it to stop. So, he closed his hand, I guess, in a way, holding on to Merlin’s. So they were holding hands. He could feel Merlin’s hand tense, then relax, and he got on with bandaging.

They didn’t say anything, they didn’t even make eye contact, Arthur just kept on winding and Merlin sat there patiently. The only thing that had changed was the fact that they were now, sort of holding hands. And both were wearing the most beaming of smiles, despite the fact they were trying to hide them. And Arthur’s thumb may have occasionally swept over the soft skin on the back of Merlin’s hand, just to ease it all, you know. And Merlin’s finger may have stroked a little in return. Just to say thanks, you know.

“Done.” Arthur finally announced, although his voice was low and soft, and he seemed to have no intention of moving.

“Thanks.” Merlin breathed, acting the same.

Neither removed their hand from the others.

There was a moment’s silence.

Then Arthur spoke. “I just wanted to say that… I promise I won’t tell anyone. I’ll keep your secret. Not to say I’m at all happy about it, but I respect your wishes. That said, I don’t want it to happen anymore. So if you ever feel… you know… then you come and talk to me and I will do whatever I can to make it stop. Any time. I promise.”

Merlin blinked, surprised at the desperation and emotion in Arthur’s tone. He felt his throat constricted by sudden tears, and so just nodded instead.

“I mean it, Merlin.”

“Ok.”

They sat for a moment more, eyes locked, hands entwined and caressing, hearts beating rather faster than usual. There was silence.

Then, “Merlin?” Arthur whispered.

“Yes?” Merlin replied in a similar hushed manner.

“I…” Arthur began.

But all of a sudden the door swung open, and Gwaine strode in calling “Arthur?...”

He trailed off when his gaze latched onto the situation and his mind whirled, processing it. The pair instinctively leapt apart, although not fast enough for Gwaine’s face to break into a beaming smirk.

“So sorry. Didn’t mean to… interrupt.” He winked.

“You didn’t. I mean, nothing for you to interrupt.” Arthur protested.

Gwaine raised an eyebrow. “Sure, sure.”

“We were just… I mean… he was… I was…” Merlin stuttered. Arthur sighed.

“I was bandaging his arm. He… had an accident.” Arthur tried to explain.

“Oh I bet he did. And what on Earth could an innocent little boy like Merlin do to damage his arm while alone with Arthur in his bedchambers?” Gwaine breathed suggestively. “Don’t mind me. I’ll leave you two to your… accidents.”

“No, it’s fine…” Merlin objected.

“We’re done…” Arthur spoke at exactly the same time.

They looked at each other, then hurriedly looked away. Gwaine’s grin widened. There was a pause while he assessed them.

“Look, all bandaged up.” Merlin and Arthur spoke together, then sent angry glares in the other’s direction for being so in sync.

Gwaine couldn’t help but laugh; there never was a couple more made for each other than Merlin and Arthur.

Thankfully for the pair, he decided to let it go.

“I just came to let you know, Arthur, that the knights are all headed to the tavern, if you would care to join. Unless, of course, you’re… otherwise occupied.”

“No, no. Brilliant. I’m coming. All done here.” Arthur immediately accepted.

“And you, Merlin?” Gwaine extended the offer graciously, although possibly more for his enjoyment than either Merlin or Arthur’s.

“Yup. No. I don’t mind. Arthur?” Merlin asked, unsure whether Arthur would want him there, or whether he wanted errands… or whatever. Arthur didn’t own him! But still…

“I don’t care. Doesn’t affect me either way.” Arthur shrugged, stubbornly, very much aware that he did care very deeply, indicated by the fact that his heart rate was still going a million miles an hour.

“Then yes.” Merlin agreed, nodding to Gwaine.

Gwaine’s smile nearly split his face; this was going to be a fun evening. Well, for him at least. He gestured to the door and the pair obediently followed, eager to get away from this all.

“And if you two ever need, you know, some private time… just let me know.” Gwaine teased as they walked out.

What? He wasn’t going to let them get away that easily!

And if they thought this was bad, they had no idea what was in store.


	2. Any Time

Arthur collapsed onto his bed, mind still slightly woozy from the copious amounts of booze he had consumed. Well… that had certainly been a night. It wasn’t necessarily a bad night – after all, Merlin had been there… wait, what? – but the way that Gwaine had been watching the pair all evening was slightly unnerving. It was just the way that the minute Arthur did anything towards Merlin, he would be there, staring and noting and shooting these annoying, little knowing glances at them, as though he knew something that they didn’t. In fact, _they_ knew something that _he_ didn’t… although he didn’t think Merlin was ready to tell any of the knights that anytime soon.

So… so what, if Arthur had a new-found desire to be nearer to Merlin, to, sort of, protect him, if you will? And, every now and then, wanted to take him to the side to check up on him. Or smile at him more, to make sure that he was still smiling back.

And how he loved that smile. It could light up a whole room, it could. Mmmm. Dreamy and creamy and pearly white teeth. Cheeky, little dimples and gorgeous, smiling eyes. Oh, how he wanted to _always_ be the reason for that smile. Oh… that smile…

Arthur jolted his head from side to side suddenly.

What?

He coughed and sat up.

This was the cider talking.

It was just the cider talking.

He may be looking out for Merlin, but he wasn’t in… in love with him – er, his smile – or anything.

Slowly, he got up and started undressing himself for bed, undoing his shirt buttons painfully slowly.

‘ _Usually Merlin does this…’_ he thought. And that thought totally did not make his heart jump.

What was wrong with him?

He shook his head and continued trying to make his buttons co-operate. He was still only on the second one.

_‘Just go to bed and everything will be normal in the morning’_ he told himself.

‘ _Just go to bed and everything will be normal in the morning.’_

_‘Just go to bed…’_

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

He froze.

Wow… was he really that drunk that he was hearing knocks? He didn’t think he’d had _that_ much.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Arthur?!” Came a call.

That sounded like Merlin’s voice.

Was he imagining this? He’d only had a few ciders seriously.

Wait… why would he be imagining Merlin’s voice?

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK “ARTHUR?!”

Ok, he definitely wasn’t imagining this.

He rushed over to his door, or rushed as much as he could in his… state, and flung it open.

“Merlin?!” he cried incredulously.

Because there, outside his door, stood a very real, very wet, Merlin.

There was a pause.

“I can explain…” Merlin attempted, blushing.

“Why are you so wet?” Arthur asked, eyes wide.

Merlin stared at him for a second, in disbelief. Then, for some strange, unfathomable reason, he burst out laughing.

“What?” Arthur demanded, confused. “Did I say something funny?”

“I’m… standing here, outside your… chambers, in… the middle… of the night… and that’s the question you… choose to ask?!” Merlin managed to get out between peals of laughter and shivers. He really was very beautiful when he laughed, Arthur’s tipsy brain decided, and Arthur was too bamboozled by the whole situation to argue. “If you must know, it’s because it’s raining.” Merlin finished, still grinning from ear to ear.

Arthur immediately turned to look out the window, and saw rain lashing at the panes. How had he not noticed before? ‘ _Too enraptured in your thoughts of Merlin, probably’_ the little voice in his head muttered.

“Why are you here then?” Arthur blinked.

“Ah… erm.” Merlin shuffled uncomfortably.

“Bit of a long story?” Arthur suggested and Merlin nodded gratefully. Arthur hesitated, then “Come in.”

Merlin slipped through the doorway, and Arthur glanced either way along the corridor, thankful that the guards weren’t passing. Not that they were doing anything wrong… just… everyone else seemed to take Gwaine’s opinion that there was more to Arthur and Merlin’s relationship than was… proper. More than there was, as well, Arthur hastened to add. Because, honestly, there was nothing there beyond the correct feelings for prince and servant who are relatively good friends.

_‘Yeh right.’_

“Shut up.”

“What?” Merlin asked, confused.

“What?” Arthur imitated.

“You said shut up?” Merlin questioned.

“No, I didn’t.” Arthur protested.

Merlin raised an eyebrow about to argue, so Arthur changed the subject.

“You look freezing.”

“To be honest, I am.” Merlin admitted.

“Er… dry. We need to get you dry. You need to get dry.” Arthur fumbled with his words. “Because you’re wet.” He added without thinking, then blushed. He hurriedly added “I mean, your clothes are wet… Take your clothes of.”

“At least buy me dinner first.” Merlin returned cheekily on instinct, turning to see a very flushed, very frantic Arthur mumbling in front of him. He couldn’t help but chuckle again, already feeling better.

“Shut up, Merlin, you know that’s not what I meant.” Arthur attempted, although he soon smiled too. He just couldn’t help it when Merlin looked so beautiful.

“Ok, ok.” Merlin conceded, voice still light and teasing. “I’ll strip.” He winked.

Arthur tried so very hard not to let his mind wander on that thought.

He didn’t have long, however, to ponder, because suddenly Merlin was gripping the bottom of his dripping top and tugging it over his head. And suddenly Arthur’s vision was filled with smooth, milky skin, stretched over a perfect, tight framework. And suddenly Arthur couldn’t breathe, suddenly Arthur couldn’t think, suddenly Arthur couldn’t do anything apart from stare at this masterpiece of flesh before him.

Then Merlin looked up. And their eyes met. And Arthur swore that he was flying.

But then Merlin coughed and Arthur landed with a bump, eyes widening and breath hitching. Oops.

‘ _It was the alcohol!’_ his brain screamed at him. ‘ _Just the alcohol.’_

But even Arthur couldn’t believe that anymore.

“Erm.” Pronounced Merlin hesitantly. “Do you have anything that I could put on?”

Arthur nodded jerkily. “Of course. Over here.” He jolted over to the cupboard – despite the fact that Merlin probably knew his way around Arthur’s wardrobe better than he did – and started rummaging through it for a shirt. “They might be a bit big but I’m sure we can find something…” Arthur spun back around abruptly, and practically toppled Merlin standing right behind him.

On instinct, he reached out to catch Merlin, forgetting that he wasn’t wearing a top. His hands made contact with an ice cold waist, steading the boy, before immediately letting go in shock.

“God, Merlin, you’re absolutely frozen!”

Merlin shrugged, planning to disregard it and shrug it off, but didn’t get a chance to speak before Arthur did again, hands splayed against his hips.

“Here, take my shirt. It will be warmer than one from the cupboard… and comfier too.” Arthur insisted, mouth speaking before his mind even considered the words. His body was apparently a traitor too because it started shrugging off his top and pulling it over Merlin.

Merlin began to object, but the second the soft, toasty fabric brushed over his body, he was too grateful for the comfort and warmth it provided, he couldn’t say no. Naturally, it was far too big for him; sleeves hanging over his hands, the hem dangling mid-thigh, collar stooping down to mid-chest. But in some ways, that just made Merlin like it even more. The feeling of being engulfed by Arthur, surrounded by his heat, his smell, it was… surprisingly nice.

Arthur’s mind only seemed to come back to itself by the time Merlin was clothed in Arthur’s, too big, garment. And even them, it could focus merely on the way that Merlin looked, shrouded by the hanging fabric. It made him seem even smaller, emphasising their size difference. But for some reason, it also gave Arthur some sort of possessive… desire... over him. The need to pull him closer practically overwhelmed his misty mind. The need to feel him. To have him.

He forced himself to snap out of it.

“So…” he asked instead. “Why did you come here? Is there something wrong?”

Merlin immediately became awkward and embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck and mumbling. “Er… It’s just… You see… Well… You did say ‘any time’…” he trailed off. “Actually, don’t worry. This sounds so stupid now. No. I’m fine. It’s ok…” he hurriedly started heading for the doorway.

However, Arthur was too quick and darted forward; catching his hand and spinning him back around. “Merlin?” his eyes searched the other boys’ desperately. “Merlin, what is it? It must have been something for you to come all this way in the pouring rain?” Merlin still hesitated, so he added. “Merlin, tell me. Please.”

“I…” he faltered. “It’s just… you said ‘any time’ and…” Merlin repeated, drooping his head shamefully. The quiet gasp told him that Arthur understood.

“Merlin…” was the whispered response. “Do you mean you… you wanted to… you know?”

Merlin nodded, hiding behind his fringe. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I should just…” Merlin started for the door again.

“Why, Merlin?” Arthur begged, jumping around him to stop him leaving.

Merlin avoided his gaze. “It’s… difficult to explain. I… I can’t really say… Not yet.”

Arthur seemed to consider this. It was so strange, this predicament. Because he couldn’t _order_ Merlin to tell him, or torture him until he did. Well… he could. But he didn’t want to. And really he should respect Merlin enough to let him have his reasons without telling Arthur. It was just so… annoying. Because he wanted to know… he _needed_ to know. He didn’t want Merlin doing it ever again.

“I’m sorry, sire. I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t really know what I was thinking. Because I can’t really tell you why. And now it just looks like I’m being needy… I’m sorry…”

Merlin’s babbling was cut off by Arthur’s strong hand clasping over his mouth.

“Don’t you ever apologise for this. Don’t you ever apologise for coming here when you need to. Don’t you ever, ever feel bad for… anything. Ok?” Arthur’s voice was calm but forceful, yet desperately kind.

Merlin blushed and nodded, too surprised and embarrassed and, I guess, emotional to reply. Not emotional in a girly way though. Just that… Arthur was being so nice, and… yeh. Shut up, brain.

“Good.” Arthur breathed, apparently just as shocked at his outburst as Merlin.

There was a pause.

Then, Merlin just about managed to mutter “Thank you.”

It was Arthur’s turn to shrug and flush. “I meant it when I said ‘any time’.”

Merlin nodded.

Another pause.

“Right, I should get going.” Merlin attempted.

“No.” Arthur rejected.

“What? But I’m feeling better. I’m fine now. Thanks to you.”

“But I’m still not letting you leave.”

“Why?”

“Because if I did and then you… you know… I would never forgive myself. Even if you say it’s not my fault, it still would be… see?” Arthur rambled, apparently having been thinking about this for a while. It might be a little impractical saying he couldn’t leave until God knows when… but Arthur just couldn’t bear the thought of him… hurting.

“Arthur…” Merlin protested.

“Merlin…” Arthur mimicked.

“I need to go…” Merlin attempted.

“No you don’t…” Arthur returned.

Merlin, only half-teasingly, made as if to go forwards, but Arthur was standing right in the way. He tried to dash round him, but Arthur simply stepped to the side. He tried the other way but the same thing happened. Then, Merlin raised his hands as if in defeat, pretending to step back… before charging past Arthur.

He was so close to the door. He could make it. And get away from this strange tension he had created upon the pair. Get away from Arthur’s concerned, beautiful face and his ridiculous good looks, all twisted with worry. Get away from all the problems he had now created, and all the embarrassment of appearing weak, and just get back to his chambers. Maybe stare at the blade. Promise himself that he wouldn’t. Then halfway through the night probably grab hold of it anyway and just cut, cut, cut and it would all be alright…

“Oh no you don’t.” Arthur declared, and for one terrifying moment Merlin thought he had spoken out loud.

But then Arthur’s strong arms encompassed Merlin’s form and Merlin realised he was referring to his attempted escape. He apparently hadn’t done a good enough job of ‘being fine’. Or maybe Arthur just knew him too well.

Merlin struggled, as was only natural. But Arthur held fast. Then, suddenly, Arthur’s grip shifted, and Merlin felt himself being lifted off his feet.

“Arthur!” he shrieked, flailing his legs in the air.

Arthur had literally swept him up into a bridal-style lift. Seemingly instinctively, Merlin had wrapped his arms around Arthur’s neck.

Arthur just grinned and Merlin sighed.

But that sigh caused Merlin to realise just how close he was to Arthur. He could smell him, all around him. His simple, manly scent, a mixture of plush linen, fresh meadows and gentle sweat, surrounded him. It was surprisingly pleasant. But then Merlin became aware of his… body. The way his arms were bulging and tense and muscular. Effortlessly wrapped under his legs and back, carrying him without any apparent problem. God, he was so… strong! And then there was his chest. Merlin’s face was practically pressed against it. And he could hear the heavy thumping of his heart. He could feel the sculptured, chiselled form beneath his skin, knowing all too well the way it could twist and work in a fight. He suddenly felt very light headed and faint, thankful for Arthur’s tight hold. He tried to convince himself that this feeling had nothing to do with this revelation or Arthur’s proximity. But he didn’t think he did a very good job of that.

Arthur had to use all his concentration not to think about Merlin. But apparently that wasn’t enough because immediately his mind was flitting to the way that Merlin’s breath was dancing across his neck and skin. Or the way that Merlin weighed practically nothing; that boy needed to eat more… perhaps, at the next meal he would offer him some of his own food. Or the way that his arms were clasped around him, holding him desperately, relying on him, needing him. And he had no idea why that felt so good… it just did.

All too soon, he reached the bed and lay him down on it.

Merlin was jolted back to reality by the fact that Arthur was putting him down. Dammit. Wait… no… that was good. The minute Arthur released him, he was clambering to his feet, face flushing.

“How dare you?” Merlin stuttered.

“I didn’t see you complaining.” Arthur smirked.

“Yeh… well… I’m complaining now.”

Arthur just grinned again. Merlin huffed and made as if to leave. But he obviously wasn’t so determined as before, because Arthur simply gripped his waist to stop him from moving, and he didn’t bother fighting back.

“Relax, Merlin.” Arthur breathed, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

Merlin’s knees went weak and he almost collapsed. He gripped Arthur’s shoulders to steady himself. Then blushed and let go.

“No need to stop.” Arthur’s voice came again in his ear, and Merlin swore that it was deeper, almost husky now.

Slowly, he let his hands reclaim Arthur’s biceps. They stood like this for a minute, just enjoying the other. And then, gently, Merlin’s hand slid down Arthur’s arms, feeling all the intricacies of woven muscle, Arthur’s fingers intertwining with his when he reached the bottom. Neither of them were entirely sure what they were doing. They just knew it felt… right. Gently, Arthur took his arm again, rolling the sleeve back to find the scars that never ceased to cause a painful jolt in his stomach.

“Oh, Merlin.” He sighed sadly, dancing his fingers over it.

Merlin shivered with the contact.

“You like that, hmm?” the husky tone to Arthur’s voice returned.

Without thinking Merlin nodded.

Arthur grinned.

Keeping eye contact with Merlin the whole time, he brought Merlin’s forearm up to his mouth, planting tiny kisses on the blemished skin. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. He tried to blame it on the tavern trip, but knew in his heart that he was pretty much sober by now.

Either way, he no longer cared when Merlin’s eyes rolled back in his head, and his mouth dropped open.

Smirking again, he moved his kisses further up Merlin’s arm, travelling up to his shoulder, then his neck. He sucked a little there, eliciting the smallest of whimpers from Merlin, before moving up to his jaw. Then finally his mouth.

Arthur wasn’t sure which one of them groaned that time. It could have easily been him. Their lips, together, were just… electrifying. Merlin’s mouth was warm and surprisingly strong, pressing back against his own with a sense of urgency, desperation, want, need, fire. His hands grabbed at his back, his waist, his hips pulling him in, needing him closer. Merlin’s arms found their way around his neck, sliding up into his hair, tugging it slightly. Wow… It was definitely him moaning now.

Merlin was crumbling under Arthur’s lips, loving the way that they were so strong, so definite. He was completely engulfed by Arthur, with his mouth powering on his, his arms surrounding him, pulling him, holding him. It made Merlin weak, but strong, and desperate, but fulfilled. It was like he was floating, but being compressed, and on fire, but freezing cold, and every single, little nerve in his body was alight and dancing and shouting and screaming and Merlin was purely and utterly and completely… alive. This was right. This was amazing. This was perfection.

But then, as all good things do. It ended.

They broke apart, gasping for breath, hearts pounding, minds racing. Bodies aching for more.

Their eyes met. They both blushed, averting their gazes.

What does one do in this situation? Where you’ve accidentally just made out with your best friend, of the same gender, who also happens to be your prince/servant?

Apparently coughing and scratching your neck is the thing. Because they both did it simultaneously. Before making yet more awkward eye contact.

Do you apologise? Do you say thank you?

“Erm…” Arthur began.

“I’m sorry…” Merlin half-gasped.

“No…” Arthur protested.

“I should go.” Merlin muttered, but that statement seemed to bring Arthur back to normality because he suddenly pulled himself up to his normal, arrogant, powerful stance.

“I thought we’d gone over this, Merlin.” He teased. “You’re not leaving.” And he lay down on his bed.

Merlin looked confused. Arthur sighed.

“Get in here, you cabbagebrain.” Arthur lifted up the covers, sticking out his tongue.

Merlin pretended to object, but all too willingly clambered into bed alongside Arthur.

Instinctively, Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin, and Merlin rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder.

“Night, Merlin.”

“Night, Arthur.”

Arthur twisted his head to give Merlin a small peck on the lips before relaxing back and promptly falling asleep. Merlin couldn’t help a small smile before he too slipped into slumber.

 

The sun came beaming through the windows, far too bright, and the sounds of townspeople making their way around in the square below could be heard. Arthur groggily opened his eyes, very much aware of this strange weight on his chest. He glanced down to see a mop of familiar, dark hair, and suddenly all the memories from last night came flooding back to his brain.

He grinned.

Slowly, he felt Merlin begin to stir, making these adorable, little contented sighs as he did so.

He watched as the same looks of confusion, then realisation dawned over the boy.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispered, teasingly.

Merlin’s head whipped up, saw Arthur, blinked, then beamed.

“Morning, sire.” Merlin returned.

“Now, now. I called you beautiful. That’s hardly fair.” Arthur winked.

“Ok. Good morning, your majesty?” Merlin stuck his tongue out.

“Try again.” Arthur pinched Merlin’s sides, knowing exactly where he was ticklish.

Merlin squirmed and flailed, then giggled and blushed. “Fine… Good morning… my prince?”

Arthur titled his head in consideration. “I could live with that.”

“Certainly, my prince.” Merlin laughed again.

Arthur pressed a kiss to his lips. He smiled sleepily.

Then shook himself. “What time is it?”

“No idea. Possibly about 8 by the sun?” Arthur suggested.

“8?!” Merlin exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. “I’d better get breakfast.”

“Or you could stay here and we could snuggle all day?” Arthur wound his arms around Merlin’s waist, trying to keep him there.

“As good as that sounds, you do still have duties to attend to, and I still have a duty to get you to your duties.” Merlin reminded him, slightly fumbling with his words due to Arthur’s proximity, and the fact that his arms were around him and that was the best feeling in the world.

“That sounds awfully dull.” Arthur grumbled.

“You’ve been doing it every day of your life…” Merlin pointed out.

“Yeh… but now I have something I want to do more… namely you.” Arthur pouted.

Merlin kissed him on his pout. Arthur pulled him in, rolling so that Merlin was trapped underneath him as he deepened the kiss.

All too soon, Merlin started shaking his head, and batting Arthur’s chest.

“Bad.” He reprimanded him.

Arthur raised an eyebrow at his sudden dominance, but Merlin pushed him back and clambered out of bed.

“Well, if you’re going to be like that… go and get breakfast.” Arthur instructed. Then added. “But you might want to put some trousers on.” Although, if he had it his way, there would be no need for trousers.

Merlin blushed, modestly, and pulled his breeches on. He started heading for the door.

“Merlin?” Arthur called just as Merlin was about to leave.

“Yes?” Merlin asked, spinning round.

“Er… How are you?” Arthur’s eyes and voice held a slightly worried, pointed, meaningful quality that made Merlin realise there was more to the question than was immediately obvious. His suspicions were confirmed when Arthur’s gaze travelled cautiously to his arm.

He took a moment to consider this, although he knew at heart he didn’t need to consider it at all. Then he broke out into a beaming grin. “I’m good.” He laughed. “I’m really, really good.”

He watched as Arthur grew a similar smile, all worry disappearing.

“In fact,” Merlin added. “I’ve never been better.”

“So you’re not going to…” Arthur trailed off, a simple look conveying his message.

“Nope.” Merlin confirmed. ‘ _Never again_ ’ he mentally added. Not now. He didn’t need to anymore. Because he had Arthur now.

With a last, happy look, he turned and set off cheerfully down the corridor to get breakfast.

Yes, he had Arthur now. _Any time_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Et c'est fini. I hope you liked it and thanks for reading. I tried not to make it too dark, or offend anyone, or anything like that. This was literally only meant to be about 1000 words but then it turned into this crazy thing so ooops my bad, but I hope you enjoyed! Written for my Chairman Meow aka DreamCatcher as well as the wonderful WizardKnight. Thank you both for your support and brilliantness!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and hope you like. This originally was only meant to be a short little oneshot but I'm reckoning two, maybe three, chapters. I'm sorry for how dark this turned out, and no offence is intended or anything, but there will be a happy ending, of course.


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